I knew from the beginning that I have found you to lose you, and I loved you to miss you, we met in a coincidence and we were two arrows with opposite directions, and inevitable were the meeting and the farewell.
July 20th 4:01 a.m-
So the sun is about to come up soon and I know I’m not getting a good morning message from you. I stayed up all night remembering those seductive messages and sweet thoughts. I’m too lazy to romanticize this goodbye with pretty words and trailing ellipses. I waited a year to say this goodbye, I waited this year hoping that you’d come back. I guess you’re too busy with better people and a brighter world. They all said to “just say goodbye.” They never knew that it wasn’t that easy. I know you’ve moved on, so I’m sorry for holding on to little pieces of you to keep what we had alive. I’m greedy I suppose. Now; here I am, giving back everything. Deleting messages and waiting for a sunrise. For now, this will be the last thing I write to you. I know I’ll miss you for a long time. I guess it’s about time I leave our memories behind. I hope they all see the brilliant parts of you, I hope they realize what a gift you are. We never forget our first love, but our first love isn’t our only. I’m so fucking thankful to have had you in my life. Yet, this is it. This is my goodbye. If you ever wonder about me, I’ll finally be doing okay.
Thank you for showing me love.
Thank you for showing me pain.
I don’t need you anymore.
-July 20th 4:32 a.m
It’s okay to be soft when the rest of the world is rough. It’s okay that you’re easily upset. It’s okay that you get hurt easily. It’s not a bad thing that you feel so much.
It’s okay that your hands shake.
It’s okay that you like dirty mirrors and blurry pictures better than crisp images of yourself because you’re so used to being a ghost. It’s okay to not feel real sometimes.
You don’t have to be pretty when you cry. It’s okay that your mind plays tricks on you so often that you have no idea what you actually look like.
Remind yourself that it is okay to disconnect. It’s okay to take time to recharge.
It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be lonely and to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to hate yourself but only if you remind yourself that it is not permanent. It’s okay to be sad as long as you remind yourself that it is not permanent.
As long as you are alive, you are growing, changing. I think the world is changing as much as I am because the trees outside my window don’t look the same as they did yesterday. I don’t think I will ever be the same person I was when I was at my worst.
Know that honesty is the easiest way to heal.
So maybe you don’t hate who you are now. You hate who you were yesterday. Your mind hasn’t caught up with your soul.
Promise me, promise me you’ll remind yourself that it’s okay to be yourself tomorrow.
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